


Our Love Makes Too Much Noise

by tinycecropia



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, this is like a BIG chunk of smut with a bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 14:50:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7645282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinycecropia/pseuds/tinycecropia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chanyeol and Kyungsoo struggle with keeping whatever it is they're doing a secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our Love Makes Too Much Noise

It was quite a bit past midnight when Kyungsoo led Chanyeol into his room, closing and locking the door behind him. He cupped Chanyeol's face and gently guided him down to rest their foreheads together. He felt the small breath from Chanyeol’s laughter against his lips before they were meeting and kissing slow. Kyungsoo thought he felt it in the tips of his toes. He slid his hands up into Chanyeol’s hair, gripping a bit too tight, and he couldn’t stop himself from smiling into the kiss. It wasn't the first time.

Chanyeol bit Kyungsoo’s bottom lip and pulled gently, but enough to make Kyungsoo gasp. He kissed along Kyungsoo's jaw line and Kyungsoo’s eyes fell closed. He smiled big, his breath hitched. Kyungsoo pulled Chanyeol closer and felt him, hard, against his own hip. Chanyeol lips returned to Kyungsoo’s and he didn’t separate them while he walked backwards, slowly, taking Kyungsoo along towards the bed. 

With Kyungsoo on top of Chanyeol, the bed firm under their backs, they finally broke the kiss to breathe heavy against each others' mouths. Chanyeol searched Kyungsoo's eyes; the two of them were so close he could hardly focus on Kyungsoo's features. He felt his skin burn wherever it was touching Kyungsoo’s.

"You're so beautiful."

Kyungsoo's smile turned his eyes crescent-shaped as he ducked his head in embarrassment, turning to the side, burrowing his face into Chanyeol's shoulder. Chanyeol kissed the tip of Kyungsoo's ear where he could still reach. Kyungsoo hummed. Chanyeol lowered his voice, as soft and quiet as he could make it, and whispered in Kyungsoo's ear:

"I want you."

Kyungsoo surfaced from his hiding place against Chanyeol’s shoulder. He locked eyes with Chanyeol, who blushed but held the eye contact. Kyungsoo looked more serious now, but his eyes were still soft.

"Me too."

Chanyeol smiled with his teeth showing, and he was gorgeous.

"Only..." Kyungsoo sighed, his eyes flitting away. "I don't know, it's just..."

Chanyeol's eyebrows furrowed. The brute strength of the love gripping his heart scared him. He cared so much that he didn’t know what to do. What if Kyungsoo wanted to stop...whatever it was they were doing? Sneaking kisses when nobody else was around, clambering out of their own beds to slip into each others’ because they just slept better when they were pressed together; Chanyeol didn’t know if he could take it if Kyungsoo told him they had to stop.

He’d have to take it, of course. One got used to pretty taxing circumstances with a job like Chanyeol’s.

Chanyeol lifted Kyungsoo's chin so he could meet his eyes again.

"Tell me. Please.”

"It feels like...things will change,” Kyungsoo said quietly. “No going back."

In the pause that followed Kyungsoo’s words Chanyeol realized how loud his own breathing was, heavy in the silent room.

"Do you _want_ to go back?" Chanyeol asked.

Kyungsoo looked resolved, his serious expression contrasting with his smiling, giggling face from minutes earlier. His reply was short:

"No."

"Okay," Chanyeol said, feeling relief flood his system. He hadn’t even been aware of how much he needed to hear that, and how much was riding on it. He felt a little lightheaded and had to take a moment to let Kyungsoo’s words sink in before he continued:

"We don't need to rush, if you're not ready."

"Are _you_ ready?" Kyungsoo shot back at him.

Chanyeol felt his cheeks burn. "I don't know."

"We can...just.” Kyungsoo paused while he thought of the best way to approach the situation. “Tell me if what I’m doing is okay, yeah?"

"Yeah," Chanyeol whispered.

So Kyungsoo leaned in again and kissed Chanyeol. With a hand cupping Chanyeol’s face Kyungsoo ran his thumb along his cheekbone. Chanyeol made a small sound against Kyungsoo's mouth and snaked his hands up Kyungsoo's sides, resting them on his shoulder blades. Kyungsoo so desperately wanted Chanyeol to be loud (like Kyungsoo knew he would be). He wanted to make Chanyeol scream, and pant, and call Kyungsoo’s name while he fucked him. But he knew they couldn’t do that now.

Kyungsoo pushed his leg in between Chanyeol’s and pressed flush against him, grinding his hips down. Chanyeol gasped and Kyungsoo swallowed the small sound before pulling away a fraction.

"Okay?" he asked Chanyeol.

" _Yes_ ," was Chanyeol’s emphatic response.

Chanyeol pulled Kyungsoo in again and kissed him hard until his lips parted enough for Chanyeol to explore the way he wanted, licking into Kyungsoo’s mouth. He arched under Kyungsoo’s touch.

Kyungsoo separated their lips for a moment to run his thumb along the inch of exposed skin at Chanyeol’s waist where his shirt was riding up. He tugged a little at the hem.

“Can you take this off?”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol answered quickly. He scrambled into a half-seated position to pull the shirt over his head, jostling Kyungsoo, who laughed fondly. Kyungsoo watched how Chanyeol’s muscled stomach twisted while he tossed his shirt aside and fell back on the bed.

From his seat on Chanyeol’s lap Kyungsoo dragged his eyes up Chanyeol’s torso. There was a lingering feeling that he wasn’t _allowed_ to see Chanyeol like this, or to touch him. Pushing the thought out of his mind, Kyungsoo ran a hand across Chanyeol’s stomach, up to his flushed chest, before leaning in to mouth at his collarbone. Chanyeol’s hand rested on Kyungsoo’s neck, his fingers curling but finding no purchase in Kyungsoo’s buzzed hair.

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol breathed out. Kyungsoo looked up at him wide-eyed.

“Hm?”

“I want to see you, too,” Chanyeol said almost shyly, playing with the hem of Kyungsoo’s t-shirt. Kyungsoo smiled. A little sheepish, he pulled his shirt over his head and watched Chanyeol’s eyes scan his body. Goosebumps erupted across Kyungsoo’s bare skin wherever Chanyeol touched. Kyungsoo closed his eyes and reveled in the feeling of Chanyeol’s big hands skating across his back, his fingernails digging into Kyungsoo’s shoulders.

His eyes shot open in surprise when he felt Chanyeol mouthing at his nipple. Chanyeol sucked the pink skin into his mouth and then released it with a soft pop. Kyungsoo felt his dick twitch in his pants.

Kyungsoo tugged Chanyeol’s head back up to eye level with a fistful of hair, tilting Chanyeol’s head back to expose his neck. Chanyeol’s eyes were half closed and his mouth open, pink lips shining with spit. Kyungsoo’s voice was deeper than usual when he demanded:

“Pants off.” 

How could Chanyeol look so fucking wrecked when they weren’t even naked yet? He tried to unbutton his shorts without his eyes ever leaving Kyungsoo’s, lids heavy, Kyungsoo still gripping his hair.

“Here, let me help,” Kyungsoo said quickly, releasing Chanyeol’s hair to easily undo Chanyeol’s shorts and pull them down his legs, Chanyeol lifting his hips helpfully. Kyungsoo’s eyes were immediately drawn to the bulge in Chanyeol’s boxer briefs and the dark spot of precum leaking through the fabric.

“Look at you...” Kyungsoo whispered, running his hands up Chanyeol’s thighs.

Chanyeol suddenly covered his eyes with his hands and let out an embarrassed whine.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo said softly, gently bringing Chanyeol’s hands away from his face. “You’re good. I got you, okay?”

“Okay. Yeah. Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize for anything. You’re perfect.”

Something about Chanyeol’s smile tugged on Kyungsoo’s heartstrings until he was laughing again. He returned to running both hands up Chanyeol’s thighs, stroking the sensitive skin with his thumbs. Chanyeol squirmed under his touch with breathless laughter.

“Tickles,” he choked out, and Kyungsoo smiled. He smiled wider when he cupped Chanyeol’s bulge through his boxer briefs and Chanyeol had to cut off his own moan by biting his lip.

Kyungsoo paused for a moment to take stock of the mix of emotions swirling in his chest, overwhelming and scary but mostly wonderful. When he looked back at Chanyeol’s hooded eyes, Kyungsoo realized he was running on instinct. What else could he do? He reached into Chanyeol’s underwear and pulled his cock free while making eye contact, fighting against the urge to look away at the incredible intimacy of it, and he wanted to remember the exact way Chanyeol’s small intake of breath sounded in the quiet room.

He had seen Chanyeol naked before; this, of course, was different. This...he had only imagined, only _let_ himself imagine late at night, when he was alone. And it was better than Kyungsoo had ever imagined. He held Chanyeol’s cock loosely, moving his fist slowly up and down the length. Chanyeol made some sort of whimper when Kyungsoo used the precum beading at the tip to ease friction.

Kyungsoo felt his cheeks burn at the jumble of small noises that spilled from Chanyeol’s mouth when he twisted his wrist on the upstroke. Chanyeol arched off the bed a little and thrusted shallowly into Kyungsoo’s fist. He whined when Kyungsoo removed his hand—he did something that was almost like thrashing on the bed, desperately seeking friction, and Kyungsoo laughed.

“Wait,” he told Chanyeol firmly. “Be patient.”

Chanyeol fell quiet and still, biting his lip. He seemed more than willing to let Kyungsoo take the lead and Kyungsoo felt a pull in his gut at Chanyeol’s submissiveness. He was well aware that Chanyeol would provoke him only to become passive, accepting Kyungsoo’s punishments with a smile, and Kyungsoo wondered how far Chanyeol would have him take this. How much pain Chanyeol liked. He stored the thought at the back of his mind.

Kyungsoo unbuckled his belt, conscious of Chanyeol’s gaze on him, and wiggled out of his pants. He hesitated just a moment before pulling his briefs off as well. He avoided Chanyeol’s eyes for a second. He was embarrassed to be so vulnerable in front of someone else, even if that someone was Chanyeol. His eyes flicked up to watch Chanyeol pull his own boxers off of his hips.

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol said gently, and Kyungsoo finally met his eyes. “Come here.”

Kyungsoo worried his lip before crawling up the bed and straddling Chanyeol’s lap. Just the skin-to-skin contact had him gasping. Kyungsoo thought Chanyeol’s cock looked so pretty next to his own, hard against Chanyeol’s stomach.

Enraptured, Chanyeol watched Kyungsoo lick a thick stripe up his hand and bring it down to press their cocks together, stroking them together slowly, and Chanyeol’s mouth fell open at the visual of their cockheads pressed together, flushed pink at the tip, Chanyeol’s leaking precum. He was determined not to look away. He wanted to burn every moment into his mind. He had to make an effort to keep his head from falling back against the pillow and his eyes from slipping shut at the wave of pleasure; he was glad he made the effort when Kyungsoo gripped Chanyeol’s shoulder with his free hand and grinded down. Chanyeol whined low in his throat at the friction and clenched his fists around the sheets.

“Mm...touch me,” Kyungsoo said quietly, worried about being too needy.

Chanyeol immediately moved his hands to Kyungsoo’s sides and gripped tight as if he were waiting to be asked all along. The entire time Kyungsoo was setting a slow, steady pace, Chanyeol was trying to pull him closer, feel more of his skin against Kyungsoo’s. Kyungsoo would definitely have long red marks from Chanyeol’s fingernails scratching at his back. From the way Chanyeol grabbed at Kyungsoo’s ass it was probable that he’d have fingernail marks there, too.

The way Kyungsoo snapped his hips down against Chanyeol’s made Chanyeol want to lose his fucking mind. He rolled his body so smoothly and effortlessly, the slick sound of their cocks sliding against each other obscene in the quiet room. They weren’t kissing so much as breathing against each other’s mouths, too distracted by pleasure to focus on the kiss. Chanyeol whispered a string of curses under Kyungsoo.

When Kyungsoo hooked a hand under Chanyeol’s knee and pushed his leg up against his torso, giving Kyungsoo more room and a better angle to rut against Chanyeol, the latter moaned loud enough to send an electric current of anxiety down Kyungsoo’s spine.

“Shh, you have to be quiet, okay?” Kyungsoo said as gently as he could.

“I don’t know if I can...”

“Here,” Kyungsoo said, reaching for his own discarded t-shirt. “You can bite down on this to muffle it.”

Chanyeol nodded and obediently opened his mouth for Kyungsoo to shove the fabric into. Again, Kyungsoo thought about how loud Chanyeol would be if they could ever have the time and space to be alone. The shirt did its job to muffle Chanyeol’s noises well enough. He grunted into the fabric, his mouth stuffed and drooling, leaving a large wet spot on the white shirt.

“You’re being so good,” Kyungsoo whispered, and Chanyeol preened at the praise.

The pleasure that had been building up steadily in Kyungsoo’s body spiked when he watched Chanyeol losing himself, thrusting up into Kyungsoo, breathing hard through his nose with his mouth stretched around Kyungsoo’s shirt.

Chanyeol wanted to warn Kyungsoo before he came but when he tried to open his mouth wide enough for the shirt to slip out on its own it wouldn’t move. He had to reach up with a shaky hand and pull the gag out of his mouth. He was breathing shallow, so worked up he could hardly form his sentence.

“I’m close...can I...” he stuttered, and it took Kyungsoo a moment before he realized with a heady rush that Chanyeol was asking _permission_ to come.

“God, yes,” Kyungsoo said quickly.

The image of Chanyeol with his eyes scrunched closed and his teeth digging into his own forearm to muffle his whimper had Kyungsoo coming shortly after Chanyeol, groaning, leaving a sticky mess on both of their stomachs.

With weak, shaky muscles, the hand that had been holding Kyungsoo up gave out and he collapsed against Chanyeol’s chest, feeling the other’s heavy breathing beneath him. Chanyeol dragged his fingertips so lightly across the marks he had left on Kyungsoo’s back that Kyungsoo shivered. He laughed his hiccupy laugh when Chanyeol stretched to kiss his eyebrow. 

Kyungsoo lifted himself off of Chanyeol when he had regained enough strength. From his position to Chanyeol’s left he watched the boy’s chest rise and fall as his breathing returned to a slower pace. Kyungsoo reached for the shirt they had been using as a gag and wiped at the cum on Chanyeol’s stomach before cleaning himself off as well. Afterwards Kyungsoo rested his head on his own arm, curling his legs up into himself, and just watched Chanyeol’s side profile. He had his eyes closed. He looked so gorgeous in the rare moments when he was at peace.

“How do you feel?” Kyungsoo asked quietly, and Chanyeol’s eyes fluttered open. He smiled lazily at Kyungsoo.

“I feel good. I feel right.”

Kyungsoo nodded. He was whispering when he replied “me, too”.

“What are you thinking?” Chanyeol asked. He ran his thumb feather-light over Kyungsoo’s kiss-swollen bottom lip.

“It’s like...white noise, right now, in my head,” Kyungsoo said. “Can you come closer?”

Chanyeol scooted closer to Kyungsoo and threw an arm over his torso. Kyungsoo pressed against Chanyeol’s neck and breathed deep; Chanyeol smelled familiar and perfect to Kyungsoo. He wished he could stay like this forever.

“That’s better,” Kyungsoo muttered against Chanyeol’s neck, letting sleep pull him down.

The next morning when Kyungsoo was getting ready he smiled secretly to himself when he realized his _skin_ smelled like Chanyeol.

**

Chanyeol didn’t want to admit that things were different, but he couldn’t stop thinking that Kyungsoo had been acting distant since that night. In public he seemed more aware of others’ eyes on the two of them. Like he _cared_ more what those people thought.

Chanyeol got it, he did. But it still upset him. He _knew_ that Kyungsoo cared about him, but his mind was taking advantage of how much he needed Kyungsoo’s attention. Chanyeol felt like he was Kyungsoo’s shameful secret, the way Kyungsoo was all reassuring physical comfort when the two of them were alone but radio silence when they were with others.

It was impossible for Chanyeol to stand. He knew he had to talk to Kyungsoo about it. Since it was Kyungsoo’s downtime, he would undoubtedly be in his own room; When Chanyeol pushed open the bedroom door he found Kyungsoo sitting on his bed, scrolling on his laptop.

“Hey,” Chanyeol started cautiously. Kyungsoo looked up from his laptop with a smile.

“Hi,” he responded, closing his laptop and setting it on the bed beside him. He was wearing his glasses. His eyes looked so big like this, with him looking up at Chanyeol.

“I wanted to talk.”

Kyungsoo’s eyebrows furrowed, but he nodded. Chanyeol felt small, hunched in on himself. He rubbed at his arm anxiously.

“I feel like...you’re embarrassed of me? Because you act so different when we’re with other people.”

Chanyeol could immediately tell that he had upset Kyungsoo. He wanted to take it back, but it was too late. It had pushed its way out of him like something dark and scary.

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo began carefully, “I’m not embarrassed of you. Of course I’m not. We just can’t be public with this.”

Chanyeol was pacing a little now, trying to dispel his nervous energy.

“Yeah, I get that. I just think you’ve been acting different since...the other day. Before that you would hug me and stand next to me. I feel like you’ve been avoiding me.”

“I just want to be careful,” Kyungsoo said.

Chanyeol felt his desperation get the best of him as he struggled and failed to keep the accusation out of his voice. 

“They won’t be able to _tell_ that we fucked just by us talking to each other. You don’t have to avoid _looking_ at me.”

Kyungsoo winced, both at Chanyeol’s tone and how his words hit home.

“How do you know they can’t tell?” Kyungsoo asked Chanyeol in a low voice. “What if they all know?”

Chanyeol gave him an uncharacteristically hard look.

“What if they do?”

Kyungsoo was quiet.

“Listen, what if they _do_ know?” Chanyeol repeated. “If this is what it’s like when everyone knows then we have nothing to be afraid of, right?”

“But...then, I think they must not know,” Kyungsoo said. He averted his eyes, focused instead on his own hands. “It wouldn’t be this quiet.”

“Okay, so they don’t know.”

“Yeah.”

“And?” Chanyeol asked. “Are you going to stop talking to me in public now, so nobody finds out?”

“ _No_ , that’s not what I meant to do,” Kyungsoo rushed to say. He scooted to the edge of the bed and pushed himself up, moving to stand in front of Chanyeol.

“Then what?” Chanyeol asked. His voice cracked. He was trying very hard not to cry; he was a weepy guy, and had always been especially affected when it came to Kyungsoo, but even Kyungsoo’s eyes were wet when he replied.

“It could ruin everything. Not just for us, but for the other members too. How could I forgive myself?”

“You knew that,” Chanyeol said with a frown. “When we did it, you knew! You said we couldn’t go back. You said you didn’t want to.”

“I _don’t_ want to. God, you have no idea. I just want it to be easy for us, I don’t want to lie to people. I want to be with you.”

Chanyeol felt the words tug at his heart. Tears finally slid down his cheeks and he wiped at them hastily. Kyungsoo softened, reaching out to wipe Chanyeol’s tears with his thumb.

“Even if this wasn’t our job I don’t think it would be easy,” Chanyeol said, his voice breaking. He sniffed. “And I don’t think we shouldn’t try just because it’s hard.” He held Kyungsoo’s gaze. “People try every day even when things are hard. Don’t you think we should try?”

Kyungsoo laughed softly, his eyes shining with his own tears that never fell. He ran his thumb gently along Chanyeol’s jaw.

“You’re idealistic, you know that?” Kyungsoo asked.

Chanyeol gave him a shaky smile.

“Yeah, I know.”

Kyungsoo took a deep breath before speaking.

“We can try. I want to try with you.”

Chanyeol gathered Kyungsoo into a tight hug, still sniffling, and Kyungsoo hummed into Chanyeol’s chest.

**

It didn’t take long for Kyungsoo to realize that Chanyeol simply wanted to show everyone that Kyungsoo was _his_ , and that he was Kyungsoo’s. There had to be some sort of compromise. Kyungsoo mulled it over for a while before he arrived at an idea.

"It's not perfect,” he told Chanyeol, “but it's the best we can do."

Kyungsoo left deep, angry hickeys across Chanyeol’s chest and stomach, in between his thighs, and on his ass. He gladly let Chanyeol do the same to him. In the mornings he stood in front of the bathroom mirror and admired the stark red marks, dotted with purple bruising, that Chanyeol had left him. His favourites (and Chanyeol’s too) were the pink handprints left on Chanyeol’s ass.

Chanyeol also quickly realized he could clear out his personal studio in order for him and Kyungsoo to have some time alone—this translated directly to loud sex. Kyungsoo felt deeply satisfied hearing Chanyeol moan and yell as loud as he wanted when Kyungsoo fucked into him, hard.

Being with Kyungsoo made Chanyeol feel safe. He was attentive, generous, and thoughtful, and Chanyeol felt taken care of. In some way he wanted to take care of Kyungsoo, too, but didn’t quite know how; Kyungsoo was so self-sufficient in everything he did. Chanyeol did his best to let Kyungsoo know he cared.

He knew, for example, that Kyungsoo didn’t often respond to texts, so he waited patiently for Kyungsoo to come home after days of filming and greeted him at the door, asking about his day. He cooked for Kyungsoo when the other didn’t have enough time to make himself anything. Kyungsoo’s cooking was better than his own, though, and Chanyeol felt lucky when they had enough time for Kyungsoo to cook a real meal for the two of them.

It was in the little moments, Chanyeol thought. Like when Kyungsoo would brush his teeth and Chanyeol would wrap his arms around the other’s waist and pull him close. Kyungsoo would grumble through his mouthful of toothpaste but Chanyeol would simply laugh, pushing Kyungsoo’s hair off his forehead and pressing a kiss to his temple.

Once Chanyeol even presented Kyungsoo with a handful of stargazer lilies, grinning when Kyungsoo asked whose garden he picked them out of (“I told the ajumma how pretty her flowers were when I walked by and she said I could take some!”)

Kyungsoo smiled while he sniffed the flowers, telling Chanyeol he didn’t need to do things like this.

“I know,” Chanyeol replied, “but I like doing it. When I’m thinking of you.”

Kyungsoo wouldn’t admit it easily, but he melted at the words.

They figured it out together, slowly. They weren’t the first idols to deal with something like this, and they wouldn’t be the last; they had some friends who they could talk to more honestly, and some who they kept in the dark. Sometimes it was hard to balance. Sometimes they would get tired. But they were in it together, and they would make it work.

**Author's Note:**

> title from “i’m in love with a boy” by foxy shazam, which I thought was appropriate bc in the literal sense Chanyeol’s gotta be quiet but I was also thinking about keeping a relationship that’s so important to you secret in an industry (in a world) where it would be unacceptable. Which I do have experience with. Also like...i’m not too confident in my smut so *shrug* thanks for reading. Have a good night


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